The wonderful world of Bonsai
Posted: March 17th, 2015, 11:45 am
As a bonsai enthusiast you have 15 stages of your life:
1. The bug has bitten. The only doctor that is going to cure your disease is the grim reaper. You happily buy anything and chop it down, because clearly its easy to get cheap small stock immediately and you don't need people to tell you how to wire or create old masterpieces. Slap it into a bonsai pot, and try to make it grow and put on girth in a bonsai pot.
2. Your trees start to die, so you buy more. However you now stop putting your trees into bonsai pots, and realize you should have put them into large growing mediums, and let them grow.
3. You now realize the importance of watering, so you stop overwatering and start underwatering. You start wanting a few of every species that remotely tickles your interest. So you go out and again buy everything. You realize that if you only pay small dollars for each species you'll have all different types, and in only a few years you'll have awesome trees of everything. You also start digging up stock from the wild because its free.
4. You realize that you have a tonne of small sticks that look like crap, and you have been slowly killing them from leaving them too long between watering. You start to now get the hang of watering. At this point you start to learn that trees actually need to be fed and will not thrive on just water and sun. You also realize that drainage is something you have to actually learn rather than spell. The wild stock that you dug dies. You dig more wild stock, and this time you don't fertilize right after digging and you reduce the foliage.
5. You understand that you need to be more discerning with your purchases. Thus you stop buying sick trees on special and you pay a lot more for better stock. Clearly this way you don't have to wait to create a masterpiece, and you can definitely master this yourself by looking at pictures of great bonsai and just copy those. You try to get your kids interested in bonsai and they are excited with their first purchase.
6. You have to concede you don't really know anything about this and your trees are starting to look like a gangly ex-partner from your nightmares. You join a club and ask for assistance and try to learn. You take everything on board, but occasionally start to wonder why some contradict what others say. You invest in a watering system that you proudly made yourself so you can return from holidays to find that some trees have died because you didn't propely check if they were well within the watering area. Your kid now kills his first purchase and stakes a claim on some of your large trees.
7. You finally accept that you will need to learn about horticulture a lot more before you are going to get anywhere. You start researching, but also conclude that the internet is full of a lot more crap than help. Suddenly you find you are getting somewhere and that nearly every tree you have purchased except for a few are just never going to be good stock. You get disheartened. No you don't, if you get disheartened by that, you wont last long in this hobby. You get motivated. Patience! Remember what happened to Luke when he ignored Yoda to be patient, and he rushed to help Han Solo after he was frozen in carbonite.... He got his hand cut off by Vader!.... not cool. Don't let someone cut off your hand.
8. You start going out and buying better, more expensive stock as now you FINALLY know what to look for. You also buy a branch cutter. You also vow never to admit to anyone what you used before you bought the branch cutter.
9. You shake your head when you realize what is wrong with your new purchases and what you need to do to improve it once you are introduced to the term 'good root spread'. You also start buying larger stock, because bigger is better.... right? You also start to learn that generic sprays are on the whole, ineffective against certain pests. Don't let your 15 month old wander around your trees.
10. Now, you FINALLY know what to do. You know how to water. You know how to grow them. You know how to repot, and WHEN. You know you need to look for a crap load of things before you buy that stock. You know whether the stock is good for your area. You know if its in good health because you are only buying stock you are familiar with. You know its got good movement and you can see the inner beauty. You have no more money.
11. You have too much stock. You shouldn't have bought more. For every new tree you buy, you part with 2, in an attempt to reduce. You start to like the smaller stock as you realize the large stock you have is also adding to your hernia collection. But ... you have some awesome bonsai pots.
12. You start reducing your stock and concentrating on the few species you love rather than what you want. You solemly swear not to buy more stock. Your solemn swear lasts only a few seasons at best, because some other frog at your club shows you something that turns you green.
13. Your hobby is becoming a partner. You start forcing yourself to second guess everything before you do it because obviously this will stop you making mistakes.... right? You officially change your name to Hamlet.
14. You now have to concede that you are ready to learn as you pretty much know nothing. You start listening to those who own great bonsai, rather than take advice from those that are 'kind' enough to offer you their 2 cents. You are bewlidered now that you realize how much there is to learn to keep so many different species healthy. But you enjoy it nonetheless. For your birthday, your wife refuses to contribute to your hobby.
15. You stop talking and start listening. You apply for your age pension. You now have a lot of time to make more mistakes.
1. The bug has bitten. The only doctor that is going to cure your disease is the grim reaper. You happily buy anything and chop it down, because clearly its easy to get cheap small stock immediately and you don't need people to tell you how to wire or create old masterpieces. Slap it into a bonsai pot, and try to make it grow and put on girth in a bonsai pot.
2. Your trees start to die, so you buy more. However you now stop putting your trees into bonsai pots, and realize you should have put them into large growing mediums, and let them grow.
3. You now realize the importance of watering, so you stop overwatering and start underwatering. You start wanting a few of every species that remotely tickles your interest. So you go out and again buy everything. You realize that if you only pay small dollars for each species you'll have all different types, and in only a few years you'll have awesome trees of everything. You also start digging up stock from the wild because its free.
4. You realize that you have a tonne of small sticks that look like crap, and you have been slowly killing them from leaving them too long between watering. You start to now get the hang of watering. At this point you start to learn that trees actually need to be fed and will not thrive on just water and sun. You also realize that drainage is something you have to actually learn rather than spell. The wild stock that you dug dies. You dig more wild stock, and this time you don't fertilize right after digging and you reduce the foliage.
5. You understand that you need to be more discerning with your purchases. Thus you stop buying sick trees on special and you pay a lot more for better stock. Clearly this way you don't have to wait to create a masterpiece, and you can definitely master this yourself by looking at pictures of great bonsai and just copy those. You try to get your kids interested in bonsai and they are excited with their first purchase.
6. You have to concede you don't really know anything about this and your trees are starting to look like a gangly ex-partner from your nightmares. You join a club and ask for assistance and try to learn. You take everything on board, but occasionally start to wonder why some contradict what others say. You invest in a watering system that you proudly made yourself so you can return from holidays to find that some trees have died because you didn't propely check if they were well within the watering area. Your kid now kills his first purchase and stakes a claim on some of your large trees.
7. You finally accept that you will need to learn about horticulture a lot more before you are going to get anywhere. You start researching, but also conclude that the internet is full of a lot more crap than help. Suddenly you find you are getting somewhere and that nearly every tree you have purchased except for a few are just never going to be good stock. You get disheartened. No you don't, if you get disheartened by that, you wont last long in this hobby. You get motivated. Patience! Remember what happened to Luke when he ignored Yoda to be patient, and he rushed to help Han Solo after he was frozen in carbonite.... He got his hand cut off by Vader!.... not cool. Don't let someone cut off your hand.
8. You start going out and buying better, more expensive stock as now you FINALLY know what to look for. You also buy a branch cutter. You also vow never to admit to anyone what you used before you bought the branch cutter.
9. You shake your head when you realize what is wrong with your new purchases and what you need to do to improve it once you are introduced to the term 'good root spread'. You also start buying larger stock, because bigger is better.... right? You also start to learn that generic sprays are on the whole, ineffective against certain pests. Don't let your 15 month old wander around your trees.
10. Now, you FINALLY know what to do. You know how to water. You know how to grow them. You know how to repot, and WHEN. You know you need to look for a crap load of things before you buy that stock. You know whether the stock is good for your area. You know if its in good health because you are only buying stock you are familiar with. You know its got good movement and you can see the inner beauty. You have no more money.
11. You have too much stock. You shouldn't have bought more. For every new tree you buy, you part with 2, in an attempt to reduce. You start to like the smaller stock as you realize the large stock you have is also adding to your hernia collection. But ... you have some awesome bonsai pots.
12. You start reducing your stock and concentrating on the few species you love rather than what you want. You solemly swear not to buy more stock. Your solemn swear lasts only a few seasons at best, because some other frog at your club shows you something that turns you green.
13. Your hobby is becoming a partner. You start forcing yourself to second guess everything before you do it because obviously this will stop you making mistakes.... right? You officially change your name to Hamlet.
14. You now have to concede that you are ready to learn as you pretty much know nothing. You start listening to those who own great bonsai, rather than take advice from those that are 'kind' enough to offer you their 2 cents. You are bewlidered now that you realize how much there is to learn to keep so many different species healthy. But you enjoy it nonetheless. For your birthday, your wife refuses to contribute to your hobby.
15. You stop talking and start listening. You apply for your age pension. You now have a lot of time to make more mistakes.
Michael.
[except the pension bit 
]
haha